Do you know what Autism is? I’m still learning too, and I’ve lived with it for 30 years.
I am a late- diagnosed, high- masking Autistic person. My traits are mostly invisible; they won’t be apparent to you. Autism is a spectrum, which means each individual person has their own unique expression of Autistic characteristics. On the outside, I may be labelled as quiet, socially awkward, or highly sensitive. This was especially hard for me growing up and in school. I was always misunderstood, punished for my behaviors, and had needs that were overlooked. I never understood why I had a joyful and vibrant world inside of me that wasn’t receptive to the world outside of me. I have lived the majority of my life believing that I was not good enough, and couldn't do things that other people around me could easily do. This created a life-long internal battle with shame. I believed that I couldn’t perform to the expectations this world has of me. This taught me to be hateful toward myself and that I should act like a robot– overriding what my heart and soul have always been telling me.
At age 30, I’m just now able to identify myself with my authentic expression and slowly understand what being Autistic means for me. I just got my first stim toy, and cried with the realization of how something so simple helps me so much. Due to the lack of awareness and knowledge on the different neurotypes in our society, most people do not understand the internal experience of those on the Autism spectrum. They do not realize how much energy it takes to not be able to be yourself in this world. So that’s why I’m sharing my story, I’m here to tell you that this cycle ends with me.
I’m not a runner. I tried running up a hill the other day, and I got winded after a few seconds. But, I am choosing to run a 5k with the Doug Flutie Jr. Foundation to spread awareness and be an advocate for people like me, so that another person will never have to suffer for being their authentic self again. Many neurodivergent children are often overlooked within our education system. If a child is misunderstood at home, and at school, where do they go? How can they grow?
To quote Desmond Tutu, “There comes a point where we need to stop just pulling people out of the river. We need to go upstream and find out why they’re falling in.
It means the world to me that you read this! Please support my fundraiser and help me get in shape for this 5K. Thank you! :)