Recovery is the greatest decision I ever made, but it didn't feel that way at first. When I decided to get help for my eating disorder, it felt like my whole world was falling apart. Each day I was digging myself deeper and deeper in a hole that I once thought would lead me to the surface. By the time I realized what I had done, I was standing alone with no sense of direction, in a tunnel that was deemed impressive from the outside but was a different story on the inside. At first it seemed manageable, tolerable, and honestly felt sustainable--I was proud of my independence, my determination, my accomplishments. The fear of this tunnel collapsing, demonstrating to everyone else that it was never as sturdy as I had made it out to be, directed every choice I made. I was able to prevent the walls from closing in by relying on routine and filling my schedule from the moment I woke up to the moment I fell asleep, never allowing anyone a chance to question the structural integrity of what I had constructed, of how I wanted to be perceived by everyone around me, nor allowing myself to acknowledge the impending collapse that was all my own doing. I was ashamed of everything that I expected myself to do better, everything I should have done differently and should have been able to handle. I thought that I was the only one who built a shitty tunnel, who dug herself too deep to get back out without help. I thought everyone else handled it better than I did, that I should be able to do this all on my own. That is an eating disorder's greatest weapon: secrecy, isolation, and shame.
The day I asked for help, I wasn't sure what I was ultimately in search of other than no longer feeling the way I did. I didn't want anyone to know my tunnel was in fact unsafe, unsustainable, and rapidly collapsing in every direction, but I knew I wanted out. Asking for help, getting diagnosed with an eating disorder, and taking steps to recovery felt earth-shattering compared to the student, employee, daughter, sibling, and friend I wanted to be known as. Today, a year later, I hope that asking for and accepting help in my recovery is something people will know me for. I want people to know that it's possible for them too, and that they deserve a chance to escape the fear and shame that keeps them isolated in whatever tunnel they've constructed that they don't think they can live outside of.
Access to diagnosis, treatment, and support for eating disorders is a privilege not everyone has due to barriers like insurance coverage, time availability off from work, childcare, and more, but that everyone deserves. All of the professionals I have worked with have helped me immensely, but the people I have met in UHS ED support groups and through more formalized treatment have changed my outlook on what it means to recover from my ED and what I hope my life looks like moving forward. The support and connection I have found with those around me who are on a similar journey has helped me in ways I will never be able to properly describe. Everyone deserves the chance to pursue recovery and to feel confident that they have the resources that make it possible. The Alliance offers free support groups each week both virtual and in-person, in an attempt to foster connection and support and emphasize that recovery is possible. This weekend is the end of National Eating Disorders Awareness Week, and The Alliance is fundraising to support their resources that are offered year-round for those experiencing an eating disorder, as well as their loved ones. If you are willing and able to financially support The Alliance and would like to learn more about their work, more details are listed below. Sharing this fundraiser as well as links to resources like The Alliance also helps spread the message and connect more people to resources that can help them change their lives.
—————————————————————————————————————————
Did you know that more than 29 million Americans will experience an eating disorder in their lifetime and every 52 minutes someone dies as a direct result of their eating disorder?
Unfortunately, less than ⅓ will ever receive access to care. The National Alliance for Eating Disorders, the leading national nonprofit for eating disorders, has worked tirelessly over the past two decades to change these statistics. During the weekend of February 28 - March 2, 2025, I will be participating in The Alliance’s annual NOT ONE MORE Weekend.
Please support me as I join this global movement to ensure that NOT ONE MORE life is lost, NOT ONE MORE child is taken, and NOT ONE MORE precious moment is destroyed by this insidious disease. All proceeds from the NOT ONE MORE Weekend will directly fund their free, weekly, therapist-led, virtual eating disorder support groups!
In 2024 alone, more than 26,071 individuals from all 50 states and 87 countries around the world attended Alliance groups.The Alliance is the only national nonprofit organization that provides free, weekly, therapist-led eating disorders support groups; free referrals for all levels of care through a therapist-staffed helpline and findEDhelp; and unique and empowering Southern Smash events. Simply put, The Alliance saves lives.
Please consider donating to my page so that I can help The Alliance continue to make a difference nationwide!
