Did you know?

Tens of thousands of families across the United States are devastated each year by the death of their baby. But the grief of these families and the value of their babies’ lives are very rarely acknowledged. In 1988, US President Ronald Reagan declared October as a month to recognize the unique grief of bereaved parents in an effort to demonstrate support to the many families who have suffered such a tragic loss. Promoting awareness of pregnancy and infant loss not only increases the likelihood that grieving families will receive understanding and support, but also results in improved education and prevention efforts which may ultimately reduce the incidence of these tragedies.

This is hard story for me to tell and to admit. I am a very private person when it comes to my losses. I have retyped and deleted my story multiple times but if this helps someone else than it's all worth it.

I am no stranger to loss. With my first three pregnancy losses, I did my best to pretend everything was okay and stayed busy. Many did not know. I did not tell anyone beside a small select few that I could not hide it from (I get terrible sick every pregnancy). After my first loss, I refused to get excited about any other pregnancy because I knew my chances of loss where high.  I did not have reveal parties. I did not post on soical media until I was late in my second trimester (sometimes not until they were born). Then this year 2020, I was pregnant again after just losing twins. This time I made it halfway through my second trimester. This time I got excited. We had told many family and friends, something I didn't really do with the others. And then it happened. I felt funny one night. The same funny as before. I thought no, not this time we made it too far. She was healthy in all my visits. Her sister were so excited. No this can not happen again. I went to the doctors the next morning just to check and the same words were told to me again "I am sorry there is no heartbeat". I saw her on the ultrasound she was perfect just no heartbeat. The next few days were a blur. I worked and took care of my girls. I stayed busy. 
 

Our Brooklynn was born June 26, 2020. She was so tiny and so perfect. This time I got to say goodbye and have closure. I am thankful for that. This time I learned to lean on my friends and faith. This time I grieved and did not hide.  I had someone I knew understood and I could talk to about things that I would not tell anyone.  Victoria was there every step of the way. She walked me through the hard steps and questions. Not everyone has someone in their time in need. Support is just one of the many wonderful things this foundation does.  If there is one thing I could tell someone who experinced loss is you are not alone.  It's ok to grieve and breakdown.  Its ok to reachout to a foundation like this because they will be a listening ear for things you may not want to tell anyone.