Within 8 months, we had two ectopic pregnancies and lost the ability to conceive children naturally. We have grieved together and separately over the loss of Frankie and Charlie. We each have a story.
Emily: "On March 1st, 2024, I found out I was pregnant. The joy we felt was overwhelming (the profile photo above was how I told Luke - Copper wasn't as excited). But just a week and a half later, I sensed something was terribly wrong. I begged doctors to see me for weeks, and finally, I had my HCG levels tested and an ultrasound scheduled. Luke was by my side, holding my hand as we stared at the blank screen where our baby should have been. The doctor then gave us the devastating news: I had an ectopic pregnancy, with our baby growing in my fallopian tube. Ectopic pregnancies are life-threatening, and we had to make quick decisions about how to proceed. Despite everyone's best efforts, my tube began to rupture on April 1st. I woke up from surgery crying, overwhelmed with pain, grief over losing my fallopian tube, our baby, and desperately wanting Luke by my side.
During my painful recovery, No Foot Too Small was introduced to me. I joined a Facebook group with other moms who had gone through similar experiences. I desperately needed this community. It allowed me to express my thoughts and feelings openly to women who understood. I started attending an in-person NFTS mom’s group with other moms in my area. I felt so isolated and drowning in grief, but this group provided the support I needed. I could grieve and celebrate Frankie openly with NFTS.
On November 20th, 2024, I found out I was pregnant again. This time, there was no excitement—only fear. I cried when I saw the positive pregnancy test, and I told Luke with no emotion in my voice. I was terrified despite wanting to be a mom so badly. My doctor began monitoring my HCG levels immediately. I had a gut feeling that my nightmare was repeating. We endured another emotional rollercoaster to learn this pregnancy was also ectopic, and despite my doctor's best efforts to save my only remaining tube, it also began to rupture. After many tests, there seems to be no explanation for my ectopics. NFTS supported me throughout the entire ordeal—moms checked in on my latest results, asked if my injections were working, how I was doing mentally, and grieved with me for the loss of Charlie.
NFTS gave me the strength and support to face these harrowing experiences. I sincerely hope that no one has to go through what I experienced. However, for those who do, having resources like NFTS available is crucial. "
Luke: "The moment you see a positive pregnancy test, you start picturing what the rest of your life will look like. Fragments of milestones flood your mind. But sometimes, those are cut short before they can even begin.
We had the unfortunate news of an ectopic pregnancy twice this past year. Each one was taxing to say the least on both of us, both physically and mentally.
Our first angel, Frankie, came to us in March, and we lost them in April. When we learned it was an ectopic pregnancy, both Emily and I were devastated by the news. We were given the option of a surgical and a non-surgical treatment. As surgery is always scary, we chose the non-surgical route: an injection of methotrexate.The injection wasn't successful quickly enough, and Emily had a rupture in her fallopian tube. She was rushed to surgery, and I met her at the hospital as nurses were prepping her for the O.R. Surgery was a success, and they had to remove her tube. The recovery was tougher than expected, as a nerve was caught in one of her sutures.
Our second angel, Charlie, first came to us in November, and we lost them in December. Having the misfortune of the trauma earlier in the year, we knew more about the situation when we were told it was an ectopic pregnancy again. We floated the idea of surgery again, but again chose the injectional route. The first dose wasn't successful, and Emily was given a second one. Bloodwork results showed that injection was working, but Emily woke up one morning in pain and with nausea. We went to the hospital for an ultrasound, and it revealed her other tube was severely swollen, and about to rupture. Again, surgery was needed, and again, her fallopian tube was removed.
We were first introduced to No Foot through a high-school friend of Emily's after we lost Frankie. She attended support groups for moms of loss for a few months, and told me how great of a group and organization it was. My first experience with No Foot came in their annual golf outing in Iowa City, where angels were remembered, and comradery was felt among parents of loss and people who supported them.
I've since attended virtual support groups for dads of loss. They're a space to get to know each other, share as much of your story as you'd like, and learn that you're part of a community. No matter what stage or how far along the loss occurred, every dad has had the same emotions and thoughts throughout the grief and recovery journey.
It's a group no one ever wishes to be a part of, but through us telling our story, Emily and I have had others in our lives tell us about their losses too. It's a devastating topic and an experience that can make you feel so alone. But having those conversations and getting the support from others and No Foot make it feel less so.
No Foot Too Small is a wonderful organization that does so much unrecognized but needed work. Any kind of donation goes a long way, and can make a world of difference for people going through similar situations like ours. It's the worst club to be a part of, but they really are the best people to go through it with."