Tyler Jason Hovey
August 25 – 26, 2008
A beloved Son and Brother
There are no words to explain the hurt of losing our son. Tyler was my second pregnancy, and up until 20 weeks and 4 days gestation everything had been picture perfect. Two days prior we had been in to see the doctor and had the anatomical ultrasound. We were very excited and relieved to see that all was perfect and where it was supposed to be. Dad and I heard the baby’s heartbeat, and it was strong. We decided not to find out the gender, we were just very happy to know that baby was growing safely.
I had been out of town visiting some friends, August 9, 2008 a date that will be so vivid in my mind forever. This was the night that I passed a large clot. I remember thinking to myself, “in NO way is this normal”. I was extremely scared and confused, this couldn’t be happening because we just saw the baby and they were doing just fine and I was feeling fine. I called my husband right away; he was just as scared as I was. He told me to rest and to try not to worry.
On Monday I called my doctor. The nurse that I talked to assured me that bleeding during pregnancy was normal, and that as long as it wasn’t bright red blood, and it wasn’t filling more than a pad per hour, it was not a concern. I was uncomfortable after the nurse told me this, but trusted it was the right advice.
Over the next two weeks, I spent every other day in the doctor’s office or talking to a nurse about my persistent spotting. Each time we did an ultrasound, they did not find anything wrong and baby’s heart beat was still there. My doctor continued to assure me that things were ok, that baby was ok, and that this pregnancy was going to continue. My doctor’s plan was to continue as I was and there was no need to enforce bed rest or any pharmacological treatments at this time. I continued to have bleeding and the stress of the pregnancy caused increased fatigue and constipation. I struggled to get comfortable, but knew I had to do my best to decrease the risk of losing baby.
On August 25th, I was at work for the day. I had still been having troubles with constipation, so I called the midwife on call for my doctor that day. She encouraged me to take a stool softener to ensure I was not stressing the baby while trying to relieve the constipation. Again, the medical staff assured me that this bleeding was normal and that there was no need for any further treatment, the ultrasounds and heart beat confirmed baby was still ok…….but at this point I was thinking “IT WAS NOT”.
That night, I still was not comfortable. I told my husband that I had to do something different to relieve the pressure in my abdomen. I had experienced labor pains with my first son, so I knew that this discomfort I was experiencing was different, and it wasn’t acting like labor pains at all. Plus, we had just confirmed on the ultrasound the day before that baby was ok and my cervix was not shortening. Around 9 p.m., my husband offered to go to town for additional aids to help with my constipation, I figured, “why not give something else a try”.
I started to experience labor pains shortly after my husband left, I started to feel baby’s kicks further down in my pelvis. I had a terrible feeling at that point. I was scared because I knew that it there was any chance that baby was born right now, he would be too small and possibly not survive. I called my husband and he was there within 10 minutes. We called our neighbor to come over as stay with our son Connor while we were gone, he was sleeping and had no idea that mom and dad were having to go to the hospital with the baby.
We arrived at the hospital at 10 p.m. My husband dropped me off at the hospital doors and I rushed up to Labor and Delivery. As I was just coming up to the doors, I felt something between my legs. I looked down and there was the umbilical cord. The triage doors opened and the nurse looked at me and said, “can I help you?” I said, “yes, I am in labor and the umbilical cord is coming out because I can see it!” She rushed me in to the room and the on-call OB doctor took a look with the ultrasound while another resident had his hand inside me trying to prevent the umbilical cord from moving any further, putting more risk on the baby. They confirmed that baby was still ok, but the umbilical cord was around the neck at this point, and baby had to come out.
They rushed me into the surgical suite on the same bed I was on, while the resident was still holding the baby in place. They prepped me very quickly to deliver, there was NO time to do ANYTHING it seemed like. I was so scared, because by this time, my husband had not yet made it up to the delivery area, there was NO way that I could do this alone. I started to panic and cry even more and at that time I looked back through the doors and saw my husband scrubbing up to come in with me just in time to start pushing for the baby. After two pushes, I delivered my baby. We were told that we had a beautiful baby boy! He was rushed to the room next door for evaluation. They had to initiate CPR due to respiratory failure, and were able to revive him and stabilize him on a respirator. I still had to deliver the placenta and recover from delivery before I could see him, which seemed like an eternity, I wanted to see my baby.
A few short minutes later, we joined our new son, Tyler Jason Hovey. He was born at 11:03 p.m. weighing in at 1lb. 5oz. and 12 inches long, he was just beautiful! While watching our son, the Neonatologist working with us gave us some hope when he said, “he is small but he came out fighting for his life and he can breathe a little on his own…..at this point there is going to be A LOT of highs and lows, but I think he is starting out very well.”
We didn’t get very much time with him before he had to be rushed off to the NICU for additional care. They transported him to the NICU with the ambulance and the nurses caring for him, we knew that he was in good hands. I could not join him at this point, because I was a patient myself and the staff would not let me go until I had met guidelines clearing me from the hospital after delivery.
Over the next 6 hours my husband and I watched our son over the t.v., which was directly linked to Tyler’s room in the NICU, allowing us to watch everything that was going on. I was SO angry that the nurses wouldn’t let me go, I asked every nurse that came into my room, hoping that someone would clear me. FINALLY at 7 a.m., I was cleared to go join Tyler in the NICU.
When we arrived at the NICU, we were able to be with Tyler in his room, but were not able to hold him. I HATED THIS!....and was SO scared. Our parent’s joined us in the NICU shortly after we arrived, and I remember a lot of waiting….waiting to see if he would respond to the steroids they were giving him to strengthen his lungs or if he would continue to struggle to breathe because his lungs were just too premature.
There came a point, very quickly that Tyler was showing signs he was not going to stay here with us, that God wanted him in heaven. He continued to struggle with respiratory failure and they were unable to balance his blood gases while his heart rate began to decrease.
We decided to hold Tyler at this point; we wanted him to be baptized as well. The Chaplin service was right there in our room, blessing this wonderful baby boy of ours. As Tyler passed away in my arms, there was a sense of peace among him, which he was with God now, and did not have to struggle any more. My husband and I continued to hold him for several hours after that. We took pictures together and the hospital NICU service offered commemorative things to help us hold ALL of the memories that we possibly could. Through all of this time we were surrounded by our parents, who were also struggling to swallow the fact that they had lost their grandson as well.
The last hours in the hospital passed by so quickly with preparation to return home without our baby, instead arranging a funeral……NEITHER of which I thought I would ever have to do in my life.
A few days later we laid Tyler to rest in a local cemetery surrounded by my husband’s relatives. We had a very small ceremony with our family and the pastors.
“All that we love deeply truly becomes a part of us”