On January 13, 2011 I went in to get induced to have a health beautiful baby boy to watch grow into a loving, caring man someday. The hospital called me at 6am that morning as I was supposed to be getting induced at 7am to tell me that they had an emergency delivery and they needed to push back my schedule induction to 9am, so I waited patiently at home getting the rest of little man’s stuff ready for when he comes home and making sure I had everything I needed while we stayed at the hospital. As the time came we had the car seat set up in the car, bags in the back of the vehicle ready to go, the time has come for me to finally meet my little boy that I have been carrying for 9 months my new life was about to begin. On the way to hospital I was so excited & nervous at the same time but I couldn’t wait to get there to start my induction so I could meet my bundle of joy sooner. Upon arrival I had to check in and get my arm bands and get the hospital gown on, nurses came in to get me all set up for what was about to make me the happiest person in the world. Nurse comes in says “ok miss Brittany it’s time to get you hooked up to the monitor which will keep track of contractions and little man’s heart beat while you bring him into the world” as they’re putting the sticky jelly on me and hooking up the bands around my waist it hit me the time has come I am about to bring a sweet baby boy to call mine forever into this world I held my head up straight and said “I am ready, I am ready to be the best mother I can be”, as they hook me up they put the contraction band on first then they are attempting to find out where little man is laying to get the best heart beat they tried every inch of my belly and were not able to get the heart rate to come on so they call another nurse in to attempt she had no luck so it was time to call the doctor, my doctor came in says “I am sure everything is okay, he is probably laying weird so were going to get the ultrasound in here and try to get it that way”. As I patiently and nervously waited about 15 minutes for the doctor and ultrasound to come in, I prayed that my baby was okay I knew he had to be okay because I just had an apt 8 hours prior to this moment and everything was great. Well it came to the worst moment of my whole life, they found my son lifeless inside of my belly no hear beat or movement, as the doctor looked down at me with tears in her eyes and said “I am sorry to say this but there is no heartbeat” that was the moment I was in complete shock I didn’t know how to react I was lost, confused such an emotional wreck at this point. Only had my grandmother & my mother in the room with me during the worst moment of my life, I was so upset & confused I ended up ripping all of my IV’s from my arms and screaming, I was screaming to God to give back my son. All the doctors & nurses at this point were trying to do everything they could to keep me calm but at this point I just couldn’t do it, I was another person at this point my whole life changed into something no mother would expect to happen it’s something nobody can ever plan. As I sat on that hospital bed in completely devastation I realized there was nothing I could do to save him, all I wanted was to have my whole family & close friends there to support me at this point and come meet my boy who was not going to be going home with me. So my grandmother & mother go out in the hall to call everybody and tell them the horrible news and tell them they needed to get to the hospital right away, as everybody walked into my hospital room to see me still pregnant and just in shock & tears they were not even sure what to say to me at this point except it’s going to be okay but I was so upset all I could say was “no it’s not, I am not going to be a mother I am going home without my son”. Since I was 17 at the time of delivery my parents had to decide what was going to happen, how I was going to deliver my son who wouldn’t come out crying or breathing at this point. My doctor said “we can induction and you can attempt to have him natural or we can putting you in for a c- section” both of my parents looked at me and said baby girl what do you want to do and all I could do was cry and say “I can’t do this, I can’t” at this point my parents knew the best option was for me to go thru surgery to deliver my boy. As the nurses & doctors prepare me to go back into the operating room, I asked if I can have somebody there to hold me strong during this time and they said yes of course so I looked at my mother, my father and my dad said “baby I can’t go in there” so that left my mom and she just cried and held me so tight said “thank you honey, we can get through this”. Well it was time, I seen the people I needed to see prior to delivery as they wheeled me off in the hospital bed I kissed my family in tears and told them I can do this, so off to the operation room we went. They gave me my epidural and laid me flat on this hard and cold table and the process began, I was so cold & in shock and heartbroken that I ended up passing out during the surgery and not waking up until after my poor son was laying on my chest with no movement and no baby crying. This moment will be the one I remember for the rest of my life, it was the hardest moment in the world. They allowed my mom, to carry him into the room where my family waited to meet him where the room was supposed to be filled with smiles and love it was filled with tears and heartbroken family members. When I was done in surgery I got to go back to the room where I had to share my last few hours with my child that I have been praying for, the child I was supposed to be taking home. At this point I needed a moment to just be with my boy by myself to try to understand what could have gone wrong, did I do something? How can such a beautiful baby like him have no chance at life? All these questions till this day I have not found the answers. Once my parents came into the room it was time to do the unimaginable and plan how I was going to bury my baby, it was one of the hardest moments of my life. But there I sat for 24 hours holding my child that I haven’t got to hear cry, didn’t get even a breathe of air. We were asked if we wanted to have photos taken with him from a professional photographer called Now I lay me down to sleep and all I could do was thank them for offering the service and took the offer. These are pictures I will cherish forever, they even included a video with music which was on repeat in my hospital room for the 3 days I spent there. Three heartbreaking days later it was time to go take care of something I had no control over and that was kissing my boy and seeing his face for the very last time it was the day I had to lay him to rest. I had many of my class mates and friends and family close to me during this difficult day but I just needed to make sure my boy was going to rest in peace until I could have another day to hold him tight. His first birthday January 13,2012 was the hardest year for me, I should have been planning his birthday party but instead I was planning a memorial service at the church & cemetery where he was laid to rest.