If you're stumbling upon this, you probably have a pretty decent idea of just how important Mental Health Awareness is so I'm going to skip the whole "wooing you" portion. I'm just going to tell you a little bit about myself. Whether you decide to fund me, someone else, or no one at all, that is A-OK with me. If you're reading this and contemplating whether to donate, whether to take part in this event, or are just merely curious about all the huh-bub of Mental Illness you've already taken a huge step toward understanding and support. That's literally the BEST thing any of us could ask for. (And if you have an illness yourself - rock on, you're a tough cookie and I love you!)

I'm going to start off by saying I in no way expect (nor do I want) pity for any of this. None of us do. I think most of us can understand why it comes across in a whiney, woe-is-me sort-of way, but honestly we're just trying to share with you a big part of our lives. We know there are diseases out there that are just as deadly and even more painful. We know. We're not comparing. It's important for you to know that before you hear our stories. 

I'm nearly 22 years old and I can already say that I've had a roller coaster of a life. Honestly, it's all I've ever known and all I will continue to know and expect. I've never not had a handful of doctors or a morning or night where I didn't have to worry about taking different pills at different times. For the most part, I'm not complaining. If I wasn't medicated, I have no idea where I'd be today. Sometimes, however, the withdrawal symptoms and the side effects of medications were just too much. 

I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder at age 12. (However, my parents can recall my panic attacks and constant mood swings since I was barely old enough to walk) I remember the day I asked for help very well. I had just cried for three hours straight before school. For the millionth time, I was trying to explain why I was crying, why I was scared, but I didn't even know myself. I still couldn't give you a logical reason. My sister and mother were in agony knowing that the school board had been cracking down on the number of days you could miss, and without a "real" sickness, I couldn't stay home. This was just the beginning of many years of continuous struggle with the local schools and the district and my first real, hard look at what a stigma Mental Health really has. 

About three years later, (even though he knew from the very first visit that I was Bipolar due to genetics and common sense) my Psychiatrist was able to officially diagnose me. I have been told by my family that I was put on medication right after my first diagnosis that very nearly caused me serious harm, but I have no real memory of grades 6th through 8th. It's a big blur. Thanks, Effexor! Then came high school. And love. And my very first boyfriend. And my second. And my third. (The "manic" poles decided to come raging out with all of my hormones and puberty) However, we could obviously tell that I was going to stay on the "depressive" end of the pole even then.

My freshmen year of high school I tried to commit suicide. I remember what it felt like. I remember the panic on my family's faces. I remember. I will always remember. I just wanted to sleep. The pain that is involved in a brain with Mental Illness is so incredibly different. There may be voices, it may feel crowded and dark and inescapable. And I'm sad to say that it wasn't the only time that I tried. And I am so thankful that I have failed in my attempts. I want to show everyone that this isn't something that has to be talked about under hushed tones or in a private office. It is exremely serious and the most painful, tiring, patronizing disease you could possibly imagine. But if I do have kids one day with my wonderful and supportive fiance - who thankfully I am still here to share this beautiful, complicated life with - and they happen to have Bipolar Disorder, I don't want them to be quiet about it. I want the world to be open and kind enough to embrace someone who walks up and admits that they are a little different, a little stronger, a little more empathetic, a little tortured, a little "crazy" - but with a deeply tender soul. 

This isn't a joke. So next time you hear someone saying "the weather is so bipolar" or "my parents haven't decided yet - yeesh, they're so bipolar" please smack them upside the head for me. It's really annoying for us. But also, in my opinion, don't always treat it like it's solitary confinement. (However, understand it when someone does) 

I have found so many wonderful people who suffer through the same things and we joke around all the time. We've also found the "pluses" of it. Things we wouldn't change for the world. We see things differenltly, we listen to music and hear every lyric; hang on to every note, and most importantly we feel things differently. We feel with our whole heart. That's why things like this are so important to us. 

All in all, I've never seen why there was a stigma over Mental Health, I grew up with it. I grew up different. And in my own opinion, I grew up better. The way the world is striving toward. I've certainly faced every idiotic person and obstacle the stigma has attached to it and I am logical enough to know that there is nothing in this world that everyone agrees on. There will always be a stigma. But we're not going anywhere; 43.8 million people experience a Mental Illness in a year. Chances are, you know someone that's trying very hard right now to be fit in and be "normal." 
Don't just stop your stigma for the "good of the world." Do it for them. Do it for you. Do it for the dozens of wonderful people you have yet to meet. 

I can't wait to meet everyone and hear their stories and I'd love to meet you and hear yours.
XO