Our birth story is not something we have shared with most people. It was very traumatic and is still hard for me to talk about without getting emotional and probably always will be.
It wasn’t just the day of Lucas’ birth, it was also the day that I almost lost my life due to a severe case of HELLP syndrome. A pregnancy disorder that affects your blood, platelet count and liver enzymes. A condition I had never even heard of and I did not have your typical symptoms of. I knew something was wrong, but at the time I just thought maybe thats how you feel towards the end of pregnancy. I didn't know what I didn't know. I never could have imagined the crisis that followed, but we are so lucky we advocated for my health and saw a doctor that day.
We walk to raise awareness and to recognize moms who have been through a traumatic birth. And more than anything I walk for our family. To remember that I survived something that nearly took my life and it’s okay to still not be okay about it. While I thank God every day that me and Lucas are here and healthy, it's okay to still grieve. Grieve for a birth I was present for, a birth that wasn’t a crisis, a birth that didn’t require me to say bye to my husband before I was wheeled into the operating room, not knowing if I would ever see him again or meet our baby. And in the midst of all the trauma flashbacks I try to give myself grace over a situation I had no control over.
I have also realized it is time to start finding the courage to talk about it out loud. Encourage other pregnant women to advocate for themselves if something doesn’t feel right. Don’t be afraid to call the doctor over and over again until you feel heard. You know your body better than anyone else. Trust your gut and get checked out no matter how much you have to push. Our amazing delivery team reminded me over and over again how critical it was that I advocated for myself and came in when I did. Not everyone’s symptoms look typical for these conditions and they can come on fast and furious.
Thank you to our incredible team of doctors and nurses at Atrium for saving my life. The most compassionate group of people who showed us so much love on the scariest day of our life.
After everything we have been through, Mama will always be the title I am most grateful for.
