Ayla Grace
We found out in November 2018 that our 2 year old Luke was going to be a big brother. In February of 2019, we were over the moon when we found out we were going to be having a baby girl. We decided on the name Ayla Grace and began decorating her nursery and planning what our life as a family of 4 would be like; we were beyond excited! My entire pregnancy was so easy and perfect and we were so on top of everything that the Dr., midwives, and nurses would often say how easy of a patient I was because they never had to do anything at our appointments other than check Ayla’s perfect heartbeat and measure my belly that was always exactly on track.
July 8, 2019, I was 39 weeks pregnant, exactly 1 week before my due date, everything changed when our Ayla Grace’s heart stopped beating.
It had been a pretty normal day besides the fact that I hadn’t felt Ayla move very much. There were days where she wouldn’t move as much but I could usually nudge her and get a kick back from her or go for a walk and that would wake her up. Luke and I decided to go to the grocery store for a few things and hopefully get Ayla moving. When we got back from the store around 4:00pm I began to worry as she was still not moving. I called the Dr. and they told me to go in to the hospital to get checked. I dropped Luke off with his godparents and told my husband to meet me at the hospital. As I drove to the hospital I tried to stay calm and reassured myself that Ayla was fine she was probably just in a difficult position and couldn’t move since she had gotten so big and had such a small amount of space to move.
I got to the hospital around 5:15pm and told the OB triage nurse what was going on and she put me in a room to start monitoring the heartbeat.
She put the monitor to my belly and began to search... no heartbeat. She moved the monitor all over my belly searching... nothing. She tried to stay calm and said she was going to have another nurse come check for the heartbeat because she was having a hard time but continued to tell me to stay calm. Another nurse came in and continued searching... silence. They asked who my Dr. was and luckily she was on call at the hospital that evening as it was after her regular hours. They called my Dr. in and she continued searching for the heartbeat... silence still. She ordered for the ultrasound machine ASAP... I began panicking...
They brought in the ultrasound... after a few minutes of studying the ultrasound my Dr. finally spoke and I could hear the tears in her voice. She said the words no one wants to hear... “There is no heartbeat... I’m so sorry.” She turned to look at me. I went numb and just stared at her. I already knew the answer but I asked anyway hoping I was wrong, “ Can you do anything?” She shook her head as tears fell from her eyes. She left the room so my husband and I could be alone. We hugged and cried... we didn’t know what to do, our baby girl had died.
We found the strength to let our parents and siblings know.
The Dr. came back in to talk to us about what was next and answer our questions. Obviously our first question was, “What happened, why?” She said it would be unclear until I delivered and possibly even then it may be unknown. She told us it could’ve been something genetic, a complication with her organs, the umbilical cord being wrapped too tight around her neck, or something completely unknown. She said the next step would be to get us into a L&D room and deliver her.
We were admitted into a L&D room around 6:00pm and they began taking blood samples, gave me a medicine to soften the cervix, and started monitoring contractions. Family and friends filtered in and out of the room over the next few hours. Most of these hours were filled with silence and every minute I got more and more nervous for what I knew was coming. I knew our hearts were already broken but what was going to happen when we saw her and held her; how much more could our hearts take? Around 1:00am it was time to give me medicine to increase contractions. At this time they advised to have an epidural to make the process as comfortable as possible. I got the epidural and we sat in silence waiting, becoming more and more anxious.
At 5:00am, I was finally ready to give birth. The Dr. and nurses prepped the room and reviewed with us what would happen once she was born.
In the middle of the 3rd push, my Dr. told me to stop pushing because Ayla’s head was out but the umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck and she needed to cut it. She struggled to cut the cord because it was wrapped so tightly. She finally cut through and I finished pushing.
Ayla Grace was born on July 9, 2019 at 5:42am. She was 7 lbs 2 oz and 20 3/4 inches.
The nurses cleaned her off and wrapped her in some blankets and put a cap on her head. My husband and I hugged and cried until they handed her to us. She was so beautiful and the only thing we felt was love. All of the nerves and pain went away by just looking at our perfect angel and it was a moment I will cherish for the rest of my life. She had a beautiful head of dark wavy hair, an adorable little button nose, the cutest little ears and lips, and the most perfect little hands and feet.
We asked the Dr. if she knew the cause of death and she responded saying it had to have been because of how tightly the umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck. She had an unusually long umbilical cord so it was a little easier for her to get tangled up in. She told us we could get tests done to get more information on whether or not that was the cause but it was pretty obvious that the umbilical cord was most likely the culprit.
We spent a couple of hours alone with Ayla then we began inviting family in to meet and hold her.
A wonderful Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep photographer came in and took some beautiful keepsake photos of us and Ayla. We had a small rosary in the L&D room and then we invited everyone to say their final goodbyes to her. My husband and I spent another hour alone holding her until we called the funeral home to come get her and we went home.
We had a beautiful funeral for our Ayla Grace the next day.
At the time I write this, it’s only been 7 weeks since Ayla’s birth and death. Everyday is hard but I thank God everyday for the support of my family and friends.
We want to do everything we can to help other families avoid the pain of stillbirth and hopefully with the help of this walk we can raise money and awareness.