BPD is a neurological disorder characterized by an impairment in emotional regulation. This complex and debilitating illness is accompanied by chaotic thoughts and emotions, unstable relationships, and identity disturbances. This often leads to desperate attempts to escape the pain. I can personally attest to how difficult it is living with BPD – and how it’s even more difficult to find support and treatment. Millions of people are living with this serious mental illness and up to 10% of those diagnosed with BPD lose their lives to suicide. Thankfully, with proper treatment and community support, we CAN experience meaningful, productive lives. I’d like to say I’m living proof of that!

This walk aims to bring public attention to this disorder and to offer the BPD community HOPE. Funds raised from the walk will support Emotion Matter’s innovative peer support group programs, conferences, educational resources, and advocacy efforts.

CW: Personal Experience with BPD

I choose to share my experiences with BPD as it’s highly stigmatized and too often misdiagnosed and misunderstood. Emotions Matter served as the foundation on which I built my life worth living. I learned I was not alone and that there was hope. Life is filled with painful experiences, which makes living with BPD a blessing in disguise. I questioned whether it was just a curse as I have faced immense suffering, yet I found that by focusing on my strengths, I could see I am more than my diagnosis. The reality is that the obstacles I’ve faced and overcame have strengthened my ability and desire to help others who are in pain. Without treatment, and the acceptance and self-awareness of my disorder, I would not be the passionate, spirited, empathic woman that I am today.  By refocusing my attention on my strengths, I have a greater purpose now – to share my journey and the chance to encourage others to create their own life worth living!

Ten years ago, despite having previously suffered for years with severe mood swings, impulsivity, unstable relationships, self-harm, and suicidality, I had to fight for my BPD diagnosis. I knew something wasn’t right and I was not going to let the stigma against BPD, from both inside and outside of the medical community, stop me from getting the help I needed. While far from smooth sailing, and facing negative and inaccurate information left and right, I was fortunate enough to have a support system that made it possible for me to receive the appropriate treatment. Without that, I honestly believe I would not be alive to write this today.

While the severity of my symptoms fluctuates, my daily life is consumed by intense emotional pain. Now, I take pride in my ability to appear as if I’m coping with situations and problems on the outside. However, this ends up being more harmful as internally I’m typically in immense distress and emotionally dysregulated. As someone who society considers “high-functioning,” I find it necessary to share this. I would not be where I am today without the treatment and the support I received. It may seem like I have it all together, but I don’t. Sure, I have been able to manage a healthy romantic relationship for 6 years, developed a strong support system, and I am I’m even starting graduate school for SLP in the Fall! And still, to function every day of my life requires exhaustive efforts– I  won’t sugar-coat that. And I am responsible for­­ making conscious choices to manage and cope with my symptoms.

And now, ten years after my BPD diagnosis, a condition falsely deemed “untreatable,” I am on my journey to recovery. Some days are harder than others, yet if this journey has taught me anything, it’s that I can and will manage. My life is worth living, and so is yours. Although each of our experiences living with BPD is unique, I hope every time I share my story, someone impacted by BPD will feel less alone, more understood, and empowered to persevere as I do the same.