"Their baby died" a voice somberly spoke. I looked up from gazing at my bright yellow hospital footies and the swollen feet stuffed into them as they slowly shuffled along the cold, hard hospital floor. My husband and I were taking our required short walk to the ice machine when we heard those words. "Stillborn," the voice confirmed. I looked up hopeful I was in fact in some dream and it wasn't us, not our baby, they were refering to. My eyes made their way towards the voice, unaware of anything else around me. There they were, two nurses standing what felt like miles away. They were looking directly at us with a look of such pitty, and sadness. Their looks confirmed it all, I wasn't dreaming.

It was us, it was our baby boy. It was Mac, our Mac. 

I will never forget that moment, nor will I ever be able to get the moments leading up to it out of my mind. They are etched into my heart forever. I was numb. I had cried more tears than I thought possible, yet I could feel them coming again. I took a hold of my husband's arm a little tighter, leaning into him a little more. "I want to go back now," I softly mumbled as I wiped the tears plummeting from my soaken face. I could barely utter the words.  He held me a little tighter, walking with me to our room. A room that should have been filled with cries, sleeplessness, diaper change shenanigans and sweet newborn noises. Instead, it was quiet and dark with a palpable pain you had to physical push through the moment you stepped inside. A heavieness unlike anything I had even felt before. 

This was our life now? 

How do you go on after this kind of loss? What does that look like? 

How did this happen? 

There was a lot we didn't understand and most of it there are no answers for. 

This is why we, as Mac Bryson's mom, dad, brothers and sister, have committed to participating in Lydie's Loop, Steps Against Stillbirth each year. For us, this is the best way we can honor our Mac AND help raise the awarness and funds needed to help others find answers. 

You can help us by donating to our team, Mac Bryson's Bunch. You can help us by joining our team, even if it is through the virtual walk. Share our story. Another way to help is to share this page so others can learn more too! We feel every donation, every share, every added participant.

Thank you from the entire "Rensi Bunch",

Brian, Natalie, Hagen, Suzie, Mac Bryson & Zane