After 39 weeks of a “normal” pregnancy my son, Nolan, was stillborn on May 18, 2018.  I woke up one morning and realized I was not feeling him move as I usually did. I went to the hospital and was told the worst news imaginable, “I’m sorry, but there is no heartbeat.” I’ll never forget that moment, or that day.  It was the worst day of my life. In a matter of a few seconds, my entire world came crashing down. My heart was shattered into a billion pieces.  I wanted to die. I could not imagine going on and living without my baby.

I was given the option to go home and process the information, have a Cesarean Section, or begin an induction. I chose to be induced and less than 24 hours later, my son was born silently into this world. He was beautiful. He was perfect. He was everything I had imagined, except that he was silent and still. The only sounds heard were my own cries. They asked if I wanted him placed on my chest and without hesitation I said yes. I laid there with my son in my arms and I sobbed. I sobbed and I sobbed.

The pain I felt cannot be described. It is a pain like no other and it is a pain that I wish no family ever has to endure, but sadly stillbirth continues to occur each and every day. Each year, 26,000 families are affected by stillbirth in the United States. Many times stillbirth can be prevented, but because most doctors do not discuss stillbirth, and because more awareness and research is needed, families continue to suffer. I do not know if Nolan’s stillbirth could have been prevented. That question will haunt me for the rest of my life. I’ll never know if I missed something or if the doctors missed something.

It was determined that Nolan suffered from an Umbilical Cord Accident (UCA) because his cord was wrapped twice tightly around his neck (double nuchal cord) and became compressed shutting off his blood supply. I believe that if my doctors had spoke to me more about the importance of tracking fetal movement from 28 weeks on, I would have been able to save my son. As a mother that is a super hard pill to swallow. 

Unfortunately, I had to learn all of these things the hard way, but thanks to Star Legacy Foundation I have learned so much and was able to use that information during my rainbow pregnancy. I’m proud to say that my daughter arrived safely in my arms on 7/26/20. 

Star Legacy Foundation is a community of health professionals, policy makers, and advocates dedicated to healthy pregnancy outcomes and stillbirth prevention. They provide education, support research, offer family support, raise awareness, and encourage advocacy regarding pregnancy loss and neonatal death.

Please join me in an effort to end stillbirth by registering for this virtual walk or by making a donation. Any amount helps!! Thank you!!