We are supporters of Star Legacy since our pregnancy with Maximus ended in May 2017. The perinatology team essentially knew that the survival rate of our son was quite low. It was an arduous process to have weekly appointments to watch him grow, move, and just meaasuring his ascites. There were 66 days of an ongoing pregnancy  between when a doctor told me, "this could lead to a stillbirth" and when he passed away. No cause was found initially, (while he was floating with mom) but they had their theories and likelihoods...

At 24 weeks, we were directed to complete a "Birth Plan" which included which service we might prefer: cremation or burial. This was all so extremely hard to process. Abbott Mother Baby did a great job doing the best they could to "prepare" us for all the possible outcomes. His movements slowed slowly (over a few weeks) so the day I felt no movement, I was only feeling 10 movements per DAY anyway by the end...

so as we walked into the clinic for our 1pm BPP/NST assessment, I was real tense. As they called us, we walked into the hallway and into the ultrasound room like we had about 15 times before. This time, our ultrasound tech looked around and around on my belly, then said "How are you doing?" I said "looking for a heartbeat" so she said, "so am I, but I'm not finding one, I'm going to go get the doctor!" Time stopped, I reached out my hand, with a half sigh of relief because it was sounding like we'd have to spend months in the NICU and he may not have survived anyway. But halfway through that sigh came screams...and profanity, I just remember Chris giving me a all encompassing hug and holding me as we began to process this together. We were INDUCED at the end of the day and then he we labored with ebbs and flows the next day after 1pm. 

We got to spend a whole day (24 hours)  with our son, Maximus, his little vessel, wrapped in blankets in the baby bassinet. We took pictures, we had visitors, we spoke to him, held him, cried some, compassionate nurses took care of us and all who entered were aware and sensitve to our situation. We were with him until 1pm the next day. There was minimal to no time spent 1 on 1 with Max. So both Chris and I spent about 10 to 15 minutes with him 1 on 1. Then we walked away, left the parking ramp, and drove home. This was the hardest part for Chris, he felt as though we had abandoned him. :(

His autopsy showed positive signs of a CMV infection too powerful, or pervasive (from placenta, and through evey system of his body), or tii early in his development than overtook his liver, eventually fluid overload to his heart. Fuck CMV. We'd love to hear about a CMV Vaccine in the future to prevent such a thing from happening to anyone else.

We love Max, we still feel him, sometimes more than others, but we know he plays with his siblings and messes with the weather at his leisure. haha.

Baby in the picture is our living Rainbow Baby, Jason Justice.