12/09/2016
7 years ago today I lost my best friend Vickie to brain cancer. For three years she'd fought and fought hard! She's easily one of the most incredible loving people I've ever met in my life.
Every year, on this day, I go back in my mind to sitting next to you in your livingroom. It was the first day that you'd been completely unresponsive. I can remember your Mom and I talking the whole time, but I don't remember hardly any of the conversation. My attention was drawn back to you every few seconds silently begging you to take another breath. I held your hand and kissed your forehead as your Mom retreived the bag of things you'd asked her to give me. Trying to hold in the sobbing until I reached my car, I squeezed your Mom and then started my 7 hour drive home. When I received the message that you'd passed away just 45 minutes after I'd left, it'd only confirmed what I already believed to be true. I know with all of my heart that you held on to let me say goodbye and that's something that I treasure.
Below I've posted the "note" I wrote shortly after you passed. I read it quiet often and am reminded to look at the grateful part of having had you in my life;
12/11/2009
"I've figured out that the only way to make it through the day is to escape my reality.
I think about 4 years ago... back when life didn't have brain cancer, when it wasn't filled with questions of treatment and consequences of chemo. It all seemed so simple. All life had given us had been to figure out why boys were so stupid. Back when we spent all day together because we'd planned all our electives and honors classes that way. Finding our seat in class as soon as we could we’d catch up and the massive amount of events that had happened since the previous class. ha! From taking out girls on the soccer field to fighting off evil college professors we stuck it out. Through thick and thin, and it didn't matter what I did... you'd stick by my side.
I remember finding out when you weren't doing well this last time, I cried and begged God not to let you go until I got to see you again, telling him that I wouldn't be able to make it if I didn't get to see you again. Our last visit together was short, but the most amazing blessing I could have ever received.
I can go on and on with memories of you and me. The thread that ties them together is the laughter we shared. I know you and I have talked about it a million and one times, but still thinking of you now reminds me of the color yellow. Yes, I know your favorite color is pink, but yellow is all I can see when I see you. I looked up the meaning of yellow and it is associated with these words; sunshine, joy, happiness, energy, intellect, honor, loyalty, evokes cheerful thoughts. This sounds fitting to me! The thing that fits the most is the yellow ribbon. Although it is associated with war, the meaning of it is a welcoming home. You left me your ribbons, the ones you pulled back your hair with for as long as I can remember. So when we go to say goodbye, I'll be wearing your yellow one... because at last you will be home.
Know that my world will have less sunshine, but I keep on knowing that through thick and thin... you'll stick by my side.
I love you Vickie."
This is why I'm running.