My pregnancy wasn't as hard as some women's. I was sick in the first trimester, but I know it could have been worse. I ended up losing weight, which some women would be happy with, but I was worried. A couple weeks into the second trimester the morning sickness wore off, and I could finally eat again. Every time I went to the doctor, my weight was still slightly below average, but my belly size was always right on track.
At my 32 week appointment (October 15, 2015) I weighed in with an 11 pound weight gain. Incredibly rare for me. I knew it was from all the swelling in my feet and lower legs. My doctors eyes widened when she saw that in my chart. She said I could only gain 2-3 pounds over the next two weeks and to stay off my feet as much as possible. She told me this could be the first sign of preeclampsia, but my blood pressure was good as always, and there was no protein in my urine. She told me that if I did in fact develop preeclampsia, we would induce early, with a goal of 36 weeks. I left the doctors office crying. I got in the brand new van we had just bought a month ago so I could bring Eloise with me to work (I'm a nanny for two little girls and pick the one up for school), called my mom and kept saying "I'm not ready for her yet, she needs to stay inside of me 8 more weeks, she needs to develop fully inside of me!!" Mom told me to get home, lay in bed with my feet up and try to relax, that I would be okay if I just took it easy. So I did. My swelling went down a little, but whenever I was on my feet again, they were huge. So Joel took over all the cooking and housework. I felt so bad. He was working his butt off at a new job, worrying about me and our little one, and taking care of everything around the house.
On Tuesday October 20, 2015 I decided to weigh myself at home to make sure I hadn't gained more weight. But I had. I gained an additional 5 pounds in 5 days. I told Joel and he wanted me to call and let my doctor know as soon as they were open in the morning. Same with my mom. So the next day (Wednesday) I call but my doctor wasn't in. The doctor on call decided I needed to come in to have my BP taken and to be weighed. They wanted me to go in on Thursday or Friday (preferably Thursday), but I needed to work so I made the appointment for Friday October 23. After work that day (Wednesday) mom had me stop at CVS to check my BP just to be safe. I didn't want to since I would be at the doc in a day and a half, but I did anyways. It was elevated. 144/97. Nothing crazy like some women with preeclampsia, but for me that was high. And I was scared. Mom came over that night while Joel and I had dinner because I was so upset and scared I would be delivering Eloise early. I mentioned I was having some pressure and lower back pain, but it wasn't bad. At our birthing class the weekend before they said we would feel the baby flip to heads down which I believe is what I felt on Monday, so when the pressure and back pain started I assumed it was because Eloise was getting ready to make her grand entrance.
The pressure that started Wednesday night grew stronger over the next few hours. I debated calling the doctor, but it was still manageable. I tried to go to bed, but kept getting up to go to the bathroom. By 11:15pm I knew something was wrong and the pain was no longer something I could deal with. I got incredibly hot and sat on the tile bathroom floor to try to help. While sitting there, I felt a pop and right after a gush of something, Never having given birth before, I thought maybe at worst my water broke and I was in labor. I felt to see what it was, and my hand was full of blood. I screamed for Joel who was asleep. I was crying saying I'm bleeding and needed something to try to stop it, and I wanted to call an ambulance. Thankfully Joel was able to keep his head on straight enough to know that he could get me to the hospital faster than waiting for an ambulance to get to us and then get us to a hospital. He got to Hillcrest in 15 minutes. By now it's just after midnight. October 22, 2015.
We rushed up to labor and delivery where I was put in a triage room. I was shaking so much and was so cold. The first OB Doctor came in while nurses tried to find Eloise's heartbeat. They couldn't. Another nurse kept asking if I was always this pale and I couldn't answer, so they asked Joel who of course was in shock over everything that was happening. He said sure I dont know she lives in Ohio. But my lips were almost white. The nurse that had been trying to find Ellie's heartbeat got an ultrasound machine. I told her we have always had trouble finding her heartbeat at regular checkups, that she was just a stubborn little girl like her momma. They found the placenta and told me it was right in front, which is why finding her heartbeat was difficult. I never knew that's where it was. They finally found baby girl, and after what seemed like forever, they once again said there was no heartbeat. While being told that, the other OB doctor was talking to me about giving me a c-section because of how much blood I had lost that they needed to get me into the OR as soon as possible. Between both of those conversations going on, I just kept saying "Okay, Okay, Okay" still in shock over everything. I had no thoughts. From there everything seems like a blur, I don't remember too much. I know they wheeled me down the hall, and I can remember them lifting me onto the operating table because it hurt so bad. I was shaking so much, and was freezing cold. I also remember them strapping my legs down to the table. They put a mask over me and kept telling me to breath it in and I felt like I couldn't breath at all, which I kept trying to say to them. That must have been when I fell asleep.
I woke up in the ICU, but everything is still a blur. I have seen pictures of me from when I woke up holding Eloise for the first time but I cannot actually remember it. That makes me incredibly sad. I'm happy to have those pictures, and to have been given the opportunity to hold her, I just wish I could remember it.