In the fall of 2014 we found out we were expecting our second little girl and to say we were overjoyed is an understatement.   We had always wanted a family of 4 and this baby would complete our “perfect’ family.   My daughter, Cassandra, was so excited to be a big sister and had hopes for a sister to play with.  She was finally getting her wish! Her dad picked out Brianna’s name 2 months before she was born; a Celtic name meaning ‘Strong’.

My pregnancies were both very easy besides the early bouts of morning sickness.  I always loved being pregnant and was so excited to be growing another child and having all those firsts once again.  I was pushing 40 years old at that time and this was probably my last chance.  Those first steps, first smile, first giggle, waking up at night to rock her back to sleep like I did 1000 times with her sister 7 years earlier.

On March 25th 2015 in the early morning I stated having contractions.  I called the doctor a couple hours later to advise them of the contractions and since the baby was breech like my first daughter  what would they recommend I do.  I was 36 weeks and 5 days pregnant and almost full term.  I was told to wait and come in when contractions were closer together and consistent.    To this day I still feel like I should have trusted my instinct and went to the doctors instead of listening to their directions.

After timing contractions all day my husband Terry and I decided to head to the hospital. Once I got there, I was hooked up the machines in the dark ultrasound room where I remember the technician searching for movement and the heartbeat.   The screen was blank, no sounds came from the equipment and I started to panic. Once we were told our Brianna no longer was alive I think at that time I just went into shock.  To this day I truly don’t remember the 365 days which followed after losing Brianna.  It is like that year just was skipped over and I was in a fog I couldn’t escape from.

Having a baby that is stillborn after a beautiful almost full term pregnancy with no explanation for their passing, rocks you to your core.    There will never be a day that goes by that she will not be remembered.