I started pursuing being a single mama by choice a few years ago. I was so excited when I found out I was pregnant in May 2019. In all the thinking, researching, praying, pondering, and input-seeking I had done, I never imagined the heartbreak and devastation I would feel a few weeks later when I lost my first baby, Abigail, to miscarriage.
I went to bed Thursday night thinking everything was fine, only to wake up Friday morning and realize something was not right. I went to my clinic and will never how the OB sat across from me, staring blankly with her hands folded on her pregnant belly, as she told me, "well I'm sure you figured out you're having a miscarriage." I left the clinic empty-handed. I had been given no education or information on what to expect or what is/is not normal. My parents came over and we spent that Friday evening asking Dr. Google what I should expect over the coming days.
A midnight internet scroll led me to Missing GRACE. I cried my way through Hope & Hearts 2019 and began attending the Coon Rapids support group a couple weeks later. Having a place to share my story and say my sweet baby girl's name was so helpful as I worked through my grief.
I would not wish miscarriage on anyone. But, I hope that women going through miscarriage have a better experience than I did. I'm forever grateful for the love, support, prayers, and encouragement of friends who continually offered their shoulders during my 3am freakouts, during both my grief with Abigail and pregnancy after loss anxiety with Alexander.
I am participating in Hope & Hearts 2022 not only in memory of my Abigail, but also to raise awareness of the heartbreaking impact of pregnancy/infant loss and so other women can receive the support, hope, and encouragement that is so vital during grief.