Our Story: (Short version)
In 2013 my wife, Hilary Hughes, and I lost our first son, Oliver Cohlan Hughes, at 34 weeks. I had just returned home from a business trip and was in some meetings when my phone starting ringing and ringing. Hilary finally reached me, in a whirlwind of emotions, and said she was being rushed to the hospital because the doctors couldn’t find Oliver’s heartbeat. I dropped everything and rushed to the hospital having literally no idea what was going on. When we got there they told us Oliver had passed and we would have to deliver his lifeless body. After hours of induction Oliver arrived and left us all at once… his body beautifully lifeless. We spent some time with him and I took some photos. We were then released the next day childless and confused. Hilary had a completely healthy pregnancy with no high risk factors or concerns. We were devastated, heartbroken, angry, and confused. While at the hospital we received no answers and no comfort. After leaving we could not stop continually asking:
Why us?
What did we do wrong?
Was it us? Where we not healthy?
What could we have done differently?
Question, after question, after question and we still couldn’t answer them. The autopsy provided an answer for the medical community but what did it mean? No detail, no explanation, no answers on why? We basically walked away being told it happens? We were devastated. I buried my feelings and tried to put it in the back of my mind so I could stay strong for Hilary and try to be normal. I knew the only way we could persevere was to stay strong and stay positive every day.
Our Strength and Perseverance:
NO! I kept telling Hilary:
No, it was not you
No, it was no me
No, there is nothing we could have changed or done differently
No, we are healthy
NO, it doesn’t just happen!
NO, that is not an answer! WE WANT ANSWERS!!
After many long days/weeks/months and telling ourselves this over and over it was getting better. We were pregnant again with a due date one year later but within days of Oliver’s original due date. We were nervous, scared and still confused. Will this happen again? We don’t even know why it happened before? After what seemed to be the longest and most exhausting pregnancy (specifically for Hilary) we had, Carter Oliver Hughes, our healthy, handsome and loving son was born. We were ecstatic with joy and happiness. His birth helped us feel normal again, but those questions still sat in the back of our minds. WHY? We still wanted answers!
With the help from my mother-in-law Bobbie Cohlan, Hilary and I started doing even more research. We were finding that we weren’t the only ones out there nor were we the only ones that wanted answers. Through the knowledge we attained we wanted to form support groups and wanted to educate, but we also wanted to honor Oliver. Bobbie and Hilary started talking with our hospital, Northern Westchester Hospital, to start educating the staff. They then created, Oliver’s Closet, at Northern Westchester which helps provide clothing and support to families who experience infant loss. We then thought having an event in Oliver’s honor would help us bring awareness to Stillbirth. We might not get the answers we want immediately but we can try to help inform people this is a problem one step at a time.
In 2015 we hosted the First Annual Oliver’s 5K Run/Walk in Westchester County, NY. With both Hilary’s and my family’s being avid participants in past charity events we thought we should use the event as a tool to raise charitable funds. The problem was, we were unsure how to utilize any charitable funds we raised. We decided to find a foundation who we could work with, but there were a few so which one? After a few conversations both Bobbie and Hilary had withThe Star Legacy Foundation we chose them because we found the purpose to align with our focusing on research, support, education and awareness to be very impactful to the cause we had at heart….finding answers to why this just happens.
In short, I want to do anything I can to help push research, grow awareness and support families so that we can find real answers to stop this from happening to so many others in the future and ensure they never have to feel the pain and loss that we have. Your help in doing so means more then we can express...Help Us Change The World!
Thank you,
Tyler B. Hughes