When we found out we were having twins we could hardly believe it. To later find out we were having both a boy and a girl, we couldn't have been more excited. I had a pretty normal pregnancy - always giddy after hearing two strong heartbeats and seeing two little babies moving around on the screen. We would talk about what they might look like and who they might be one day. We were picturing our lives with Clayton, our now 4 year old boy, and two new infants around the house. It was perfect. 

On Friday, 10/21/22, Josh and I's 5th wedding anniversary, I got ready to go to a non-stress test like I had been doing twice a week for the last several weeks. It was a normal day other than talking about what we might do for our anniversary that night. I was all strapped up to the machine when we heard what we thought were two heartbeats - one being more faint than the other. Baby A was always in a difficult spot to get a heartbeat on as she liked to hide behind my hip bone. The nurses sent me to triage where they have a stronger machine so we could keep an eye on the babies as I was planned to be induced in about a week and a half.   

At 36 weeks +2 days, after more testing and an ultrasound, the doctor had informed us that our little girl's heart had stopped beating. We were devastated. And in shock. Our world turned upside down from one moment to the next. The doctors recommended we do a c-section that night. 

Our Emery Kay Niese, Baby A, was born still at 7:07pm. Shortly after, we welcomed the most precious boy, Theo Ryan, at 7:10pm. 

We’ve never felt grief like we feel for our sweet baby girl. We mourn the life we’ll never get to share with her. We did get to watch her save her brother from time in the NICU through skin to skin and it will be the most incredible thing we’ll ever get to witness. We got to spend some time with Emery over the following days where we got to tell her how loved and special she is. It’s time we’ll never forget, although it certainly wasn’t long enough. We cherish her getting to meet her grandparents, aunts & uncles, and nurses and doctors who have cried and loved with us, and have been impacted by her brief appearance here. I’m honored I was chosen to be her mommy.

I can’t start to describe all the emotions we’ve felt. It's so complicated to be grieving while also welcoming Theo into our world. The support from our families, friends, kids, and each other are what’s helped us get through each day. Clayton’s quick expressions of love for both Theo and sleeping Emery was so pure and a reminder of how easy it is to love our families unconditionally.

This year, we welcomed Josie Lou Niese to our family. We have no doubt that Emery sent her to us and helped her get here healthy and safe. Pregnancy after loss is so complicated and hard but I'm grateful that we were able to continue to grow our family. We know Emery will continue to watch over her siblings and all of us as we miss her and attempt to somehow move forward. We're confident we have the greatest guardian angel and can't wait to see her again one day. 

Although we had seen other families go through this tragedy, we never imagined it would happen to us. Please help our team contribute to this event where proceeds will go to Count the Kicks. This year President Biden signed the Stillbirth Prevention Act into law and the proceeds from this event helped to make that happen! Know that you are truly making an impact in hopes to help families never go through the unbearable loss that we have. We were naive to stillbirth prevention and awareness and if we can help educate even one family, it will be worth it. We would love for you to join us on as we run or walk in Emery's honor in September. If you're unable to join, please consider a monetary donation to our team. 

 Thank you all for your continued love and support!