Our Sydney was a honeymoon surprise. An unexpected gift for us, barely a month into our marriage. I was terrified… but at our first ultrasound, when we saw that first image of Sydney, we grasped hands and grinned like children. We can do this… people have babies every day. She waved clearly to us in a four month ultrasound… like a little carnival kewpie doll. I’m quite sure there never was a cuter ultrasound picture.
We nested, giggled and shared our joy with friends and family. We organized our future. We went to parenting and birthing classes, painted a nursery, attended classes… we prepared for a life with our daughter.
At 37 weeks, my blood pressure spiked and my OB sent me to the hospital for observation. After five hours, I was cleared to return home. I was relieved because I wanted Sydney to come when she was ready. I didn’t want to be induced unless absolutely necessary.
On August 14th, exactly 41 weeks into my pregnancy, I started to have contractions. We drove to the hospital… showtime! When we arrived we were led to triage and they brought out the heart monitor. Stoically, they told us Sydney no longer had a heartbeat. We had a very different delivery than what we dreamed about. The next three days blurred by in a series of indignities and callous hospital staff. We returned to our home, empty handed, a hole in our heart that we stuffed with our grief.
After hours of researching stillbirth, trying to understand how this could happen in this modern world of medicine. How does this happen in the United States? I was appalled to discover our deathly report card for fetal and maternal welfare in this country. While everyone knows about SIDS, many people don’t even know what stillbirth is… they don’t know it’s an epidemic in this country. Who knew that 26,000 families survive this traumatic loss every year?
We are still only at the beginning of our journey. We have hundreds of family photos that will never be complete, hundreds of dinners with one empty seat, hundreds of birthdays with one extra slice of cake. Without ever taking a breath, our little girl still has a legacy. Her impact on us and you will last forever. For us, her parents, there is no end to her legacy.
She taught me that life is a luxury. I’m so grateful for the roof over my head, the food in my belly and the sun on my face. For Sydney, I ask that you don’t worry about people or things you cannot change. For Sydney, I ask that you only leave a room if it is brighter than you found it. I ask that you hug a few seconds longer. I ask you open your mind wider and your heart deeper.
For Sydney, I ask you donate to Star Legacy, an organization that funds stillbirth research. Let’s find a cure so no family suffers the loss of their baby before their first breath.
Our families and friends surrounded us with love and helped us get back on our feet. Now, we ask your help to fund research to end stillbirth!