Every day 117 people in the U.S. die of metastatic breast cancer (MBC), also known as Stage 4, where the breast cancer has spread to other parts of the body. Funding MBC research is the only way to find a cure!
ABOUT ME
The Beginning
Did you ever go about life in a dense fog, like living just to get through it all, blocking out the hardest parts of life, just surviving? Well…that was me before my metastatic Breast Cancer diagnosis. Imagine me now, nearly four years post-diagnosis.
You are never really prepared for those unthinkable moments in life. My life was so chaotic, I could not even imagine more; between work as a middle school principal during Covid, my children, 19 and 17, my husband, and everything those responsibilities bring I already felt like a batter in a batting cage with the auto pitching. Besides carrying a heavy load of guilt as I struck out with every swing, and every now and then, getting hit with the ball, I seemed to be stuck in this cycle.
The Unimaginable Happens
While attempting to make pancakes to lure my sloth like teenagers out of bed, my husband and I were discussing what was next in our whirlwind life two days after Christmas. The world around me turned gray. I became confused, and shaky, and my memory goes in and out from there. It turns out I had a seizure on the kitchen floor, and after a visit to the emergency room and a transfer to a medical center, I heard the words that are seared in my skin, “You have metastatic Breast Cancer that has progressed to your brain.” Like a movie pressed on fast forward, I imagined college graduations I would not attend, the weddings I would never see, grandchildren I would never hold, denial of the retirement trips I would take with my husband, and I shut down. I was without access to family due to Covid, on a stretcher, being told I have stage IV cancer that even nearly four years later, I can’t fully comprehend.
The Process
Fast forward, I had neurosurgery twice, stereotactic radio surgery (high dose, targeted radiation) to the brain, a full hysterectomy, several broken bones, degenerative joint disease, a host of treatments including: targeted drug therapy, hormone blockers, chemotherapy, Phesgo injections, and so many labs I count them to sleep instead of sheep. I’ve had biopsies that needed to be repeated two days later, and I’ve had progression as have the majority of those of us diagnosed with MBC.
My New Reality
I more than tripled my life expectancy, but I have become superstitious. While I am uncomfortable sharing stability, knowing it can disappear as quickly as it came to be, I am equally uncomfortable speaking about progression without tears rolling down my face. I was always the strong one. That was my role, whether it be with family, my career, or my friendships. Even though it was a very fragile existence, it was an identity I could hold onto. What would I do now?
I consider myself a METAvivor. I’m not thriving, so why say that in a bubblegum fluffy cloud of pink and a smile plastered to my face. But, I am alive. I count. I make a difference. I need celebrations and fun. I try not to focus on the statistics lest I give myself nightmares, but I am not toxically positive either. People learned of my disease when I looked somewhat healthy. I have heard every well intended comment under the sun and moon. I have also endured pity stares and those that avoid me because I carry the “shame” of looking like I am dying, and, quite frankly, I have felt that way too, although luckily not often. It is a struggle to get out of bed daily, both physically and mentally. I’m frightened about what is next fairly frequently, but in my clearer moments I seize opportunities to advocate for my fellow humans living with MBC. I’m a mentor for those recently diagnosed, I am a member of several organizations to promote knowledge and to volunteer my services, and I attend as many workshops, conferences, and retreats that I can share with those that are not able to be as active in the MBC community.
Looking Ahead
I try not to look too far ahead at the bumpy, pothole ridden road I travel. I do cling to joy and hold on for as long as possible. I have so many reasons to live. My mother is my daily caregiver, and she sacrifices everything for me. I feel tremendous gratitude and guilt. Not many mothers would put everything aside to help their 53 year old daughter, but my mom does, and I let her, mostly because I need her support, but luckily because she wouldn’t have it any other way. I have two daughters at that very fragile part of life between adolescence and adulthood. I love them so deeply and widely. They are my best legacy. I am also fortunate to have a husband who does his absolute best to protect me. He is like a grizzly bear and I, his cub. I am surrounded by family and friends that love me; me and all my flaws. They see me as I wish I was able to see myself. So I live on with all the messiness and miracles of life and all the double rainbows we can grasp along my cancer path.
WHAT IS #LightUpMBC ?
The #LightUpMBC campaign is a global initiative aimed at raising awareness and funds for metastatic breast cancer (MBC) research to benefit METAvivor. Held annually in October, the campaign partners with hundreds of iconic landmarks around the world to illuminate in the symbolic MBC awareness colors of green, teal, and pink. By uniting patients, families, and supporters, #LightUpMBC shines a spotlight on the urgent need for more research and resources to improve outcomes for MBC patients.
#LightUpMBC Live is a dynamic virtual event that serves as the centerpiece of the #LightUpMBC campaign, bringing together the metastatic breast cancer (MBC) community and its supporters for an evening of storytelling, inspiration, and impact. Hosted annually on October 13 on Metastatic Breast Cancer Awareness Day, this live-streamed program features powerful stories from MBC patients and their families, musical performances, and appearances by special guests who amplify the mission of raising awareness and funds for MBC research. #LightUpMBC Live provides a platform for education and advocacy, highlighting the urgency of funding scientific breakthroughs for the most advanced stage of breast cancer. For more info on how to watch, get involved, or view the list of participating landmarks, please visit www.LightUpMBC.org
TAKE ACTION TODAY
Follow @LightUpMBC on Facebook and Instagram to stay connected to our campaign!
Use #LightUpMBC and #METAvivor tags in all social posts to help raise awareness.
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Thank you!